Connections and Relationships

We just got back last night from the Life Is Good Conference and we are all still savoring the experience. The last time I went to the conference in 2008, I was married to Mike and we were still limiting and controlling, mostly around media and food. From the time Mike and I separated and then divorced, I have been able to let go of that control and the kids and I are much happier. I no longer have the same fears that I had (or that Mike had) that prevented me from being more open and trusting, and Nicole and I are in constant conversation about all of it - both prioritizing the connection with our children.

So, this time, I felt much more relaxed and was able to enjoy myself and really see how amazing these people are and how open and loving they are with their kids, even when their kids are doing things that more traditional parenting models would be worried about or try to squash through various methods of "discipline".

One of the most important things I walked away with from this year's conference is the importance of connection and staying in relationship with your children. This wasn't new to me, but it was just great to be surrounded by people who were actually talking about it and living it.

Sandra Dodd was one of the main presenters, and I enjoyed all of her talks, though I missed the one on balance. Darn it! She really emphasized the idea of staying connected to your children and prioritizing your relationship with your child above those of others, like friends or colleagues. I notice now that I am working part-time out of the home, I do have to think about that more than I had before when I was working from home. Sometimes I put my children behind the other people and things happening in my life, and I want to be aware of that, so that I can keep my priorities straight - which are staying connected to my kids - and also my partner, Nicole.

I also attended a great circle chat with Erika Davis-Pitre about the teen years. I really appreciated her openness and her emphasis around staying connected to your teens by being there for them even when they are experimenting with such things as alcohol, sex, and whatever - as many teens do - even unschooling ones!

The talk that Lyla Wolfenstein gave was also a great reminder and expressed a similar path that I had undergone when transitioning from more control to less control to not controlling. She posted her talk on her blog, which you can find here. I highly recommend checking it out.

Finally, I enjoyed a talk by Ronnie Maier where she talked about fears and how to deal with them. I especially liked her explanation of PUPD (periodic unschooling panic disorder) and her ideas on how to handle that. LOL!!

I had a great time and only regret that I didn't get to more chats. Luckily there is always next year and we plan to attend.

The kids had a great time and got to meet some new friends. They too are looking forward to next year and being able to connect with others.

Boys connected with Roman and Jordi from Vashon Island over Realm of the Mad God, as well as with Seth, Zane and others.

The Minecraft Mini-Con was popular with all our kids. Avery joined The Hunger Games Minecraft game and the girls played with Minecraft boxes, cut-outs, etc.

Emily and Sophia spent a lot of time in the arts and crafts room making all sorts of fun things!

Other things that the kids enjoyed included: Nerf gun wars, soccer, capture the flag, dancing, Fairy Godparents, swimming, staying up late amongst a crowd of kids, making things with balloons, DDR, talent show, buying stuff from the entrepreneurs (especially the hair bows), and, of course, the Monday picnic. We are excited for next year and hope to stay in touch with new friends throughout the year. 

Big thanks to Mary Gold, conference organizer, and all the others who helped put together this amazing event. 

Life Is Good Conference 2012

Tomorrow we head back to the Pacific Northwest Life Is Good Unschooling Conference. We attended for the first time in 2008. A lot has changed since then. At that time I was married and Nicole and I just barely knew each other, as she and her family had recently moved into our cohousing community. She and her family also attended LIG that year.

Four years later, I am divorced, running a café (Better Living Through Coffee), living with Nicole and her kids Dante and Sophia, as well as my own kids, and blogging about learning French - not to mention starting my own online business for teaching English via the Internet. Lots of movement and change!

I was inspired to blog a bit about this by reading fellow unschooling mom Shonna Morgan's new blog: Blog of the Penta Mom. She and her family are certainly an inspiration for me and I look forward to meeting her again this weekend. (They too are big skiers!!)

I am looking forward to meeting a lot of people that I see regularly on Facebook and elsewhere, especially the keynote speaker, Sandra Dodd, whose writings have really helped me feel more comfortable embracing the radical unschooling way of living.

So, today we'll be cleaning the house and packing and tomorrow we'll get on the road for the 3.5-hour trip to Vancouver, WA. What fun!

See you there!

Learning with Video Games

The children have been doing some pretty intensive gaming for the past two months.

The boys have been playing a lot of Halo Reach, Minecraft and Realm of the Mad God, and the girls (and boys, and even Nicole) have been enjoying Plants vs Zombies, Stick Run and Ninja Wars on Facebook to name just a few of the more popular ones.

These are some things that I have been observing:

1. Connection: The games are one way that they all connect with each other around a shared interest/passion. Boys and girls, ages 9 - 15 spend hours a day relating to each other in lively, animated, fun-filled ways. They all really bonded with Nicole around Plants vs Zombies too, especially Dante. They all knew so much about it, and we hadn't even heard of it before! It is very fun to watch!




Not only do they connect with each other, they instantly connect with their friends as well. The game Minecraft has been especially good for this as they tell each other about the houses they have built, the diamonds they have found, and the other various things they have encountered in the game, as well as chat about the most recent updates and when it is coming out for the Xbox.



2. Communication: They spend a lot of time talking to each other about strategies, techniques, cheats, and more. They share information with each other verbally, and also show each other how to beat levels, get stuff, build things, etc. It is all very hands-on and interactive. If there is confusion, then better words and more explanation often help. Their discussions are often very lively and filled with laughter and "ooos" and "aaaahhhsss".

3. Reading: They are reading stuff all the time - instructions, chats, storyline, cheats, tips, etc. Those who can read help those who can't yet read as well. The younger ones are always asking, "How do you spell?" when they need to type something in on Facebook or on a game.

4. Technology: By using the various technologies (different types of computers with different operating systems, Internet, Xbox, Wii), they are becoming experts at using technology comfortably, and for their own purposes. They go on servers to play with other people and know how to navigate websites and programs better than I do. I am often learning things from them!

5. Information: They know how to get information they need to progress in the games. They read Wiki pages when needed, look up YouTube videos to learn how to build things on Minecraft or get past certain levels on other games and watch tutorials.

6. Game design: They are learning what makes a good game: what is fun, what isn't, what are good graphics and are they necessary, what is the role of speed, the other players, online play in a web browser vs downloading it for play anytime, like with Minecraft, and so much more!

7. Graphics: Eli has begun using Autodesk Maya 3-D to create models, and wants to learn more about video game design/art. He has watched several tutorials, has started learning from a book and is excited to work with a mentor (if we can find one). Here's a car that he made to show me what he already knew how to do. I have trouble even seeing things in the 3-D mode. His spatial and artistic skills are greater than mine by far!







8. Concentration/focus: When playing the games, they concentrate and focus intensely for long periods of time on accomplishing their goal. They want to do this.

9. Perseverance: They don't give up. They work and work to beat levels, build better buildings, be more creative, take greater risks, and are always learning more and more about how the game works and what they can do. They keep pushing their understanding of the game and skills to higher and higher levels.

10. Fun/play: They are having a lot of fun. They are playing. They are laughing and enjoying themselves. They have a lot of energy and bounce around all day, running up and down between three floors to check in on what others are doing.

So, I'm okay with them spending several hours per day playing video games. I wasn't always okay with this, and I am grateful to people like Sandra Dodd and other longtime unschoolers who have shared their many years of experience with children and video games on Yahoo groups, blogs and Facebook. I have opened my mind and examined my fears in a way that allowed me to get on board with my children's enthusiasm and excitement around the world of video games.

It's weird, because as a kid, I was allowed to watch as much media as I wanted. We had an Apple IIE and other computers and video gaming consoles, like Intellivision in our household. I have been using computers since I was 10, and several of my most recent jobs were jobs where I used a computer all day long (marketing, website design and management, graphic design, editing, and more).

As a young parent I had quite a bit of fear for my children's brain development and wasn't sure how to proceed with media and video games, even though my early experiences with computers, video games, TV and movies did not have a negative impact on me!

Moreover, my brother, who played way more video games than I ever did has made REALLY GOOD MONEY using computers, designing applications, marketing, and creating online e-commerce sites. He has traveled to Europe and India based on computer-related businesses. He has worked with computer programmers and designers in many countries throughout the world.

Mostly, I see that the kids are enjoying themselves and are learning a ton - on so many levels - interpersonal, intrapersonal, intellectual, and creatively.

Some people will say, "Yeah, but they are really just playing video games."

I see what else is going on and how much learning is taking place - and I trust it will take them to the next place they need/want to go.

That is the beauty of living this unschooling life; I am able to see learning in places where others can't (or don't really want to, or don't value). Learning doesn't happen just in school and it doesn't need to be checked and proven by tests and grades.

I am glad that I moved beyond fear and have embraced the value of video games and games in general. It has really opened us up to so much more that this world and the creative people in it have to offer.

Here are some links to TED Talks that talk about video gaming:

Seth Priebatsch: The game layer on top of the world

Jane McGonigal: Gaming can make a better world

Here's an article, one of many, about the benefits of gaming.

When Gaming is Good for You

Skiing at Whistler Blackcomb

TRAVELING!!!

One of the things that I enjoy the most about unschooling is the flexibility we have to travel. In November, we were very generously offered the chance to stay at our friend's condo in Whistler for FREE!! Eli, Avery and Emily have been skiing quite a bit for the past 5 years and I taught Dante and Sophia to ski about 2 years ago. Nicole is still learning and wrestling with the ski boots, which are often uncomfortable, though she did manage to fit into Dante's and ski two days!).

Whistler is a very desirable (and nearby for us Washingtonians) destination. Eli (13) went to Whistler when he was 12 with his grandparents (just AFTER the Olympics), and he loved it! After this trip, he says he wants to live there (at least during the ski season).

So for Thanksgiving this year, we spent a week just steps from the Creekside Gondola at Whistler in British Colombia, Canada! It was totally awesome. Something for which we were all very thankful!

So much learning is always involved in traveling: Do we need passports? (adults yes, kids under 16 no) Where are we going? (north, south, another country?) How far away is it? How long is it going to take? (where do we stop for lunch - Vancouver Chinatown) What's the weather going to be like? (good snow coverage, raining, icy?) Do we need Canadian money or can we pay with US dollars? (oh cool - Canadian money is so much prettier!) How much does this gallon of organic milk cost in US dollars? (OMG - $9!!)

You get the picture.

LOTS of natural learning happens before, during, and after a trip like this - which is what I love about living this unschooling life. Obviously, anybody (including people who attend school) have such opportunities and also learn a lot about life through travel, but I do notice that their trips are relegated to weekends and holidays, whereas we have more flexibility (only limited by my work commitments at our cafe) to make traveling (near and far) a regular part of our lives (and we do).

An extra bonus for this trip was that Eli and Avery got to meet up with a Canadian family of unschoolers and ski with them for a day. (The day of the blizzard - which was fun and exciting!!) Eli met Gemma at Not Back to School Camp this past summer, and it turns out that her family is big into skiing as well, and had plans to ski at Whistler while we were there! Unfortunately, I missed meeting them as I didn't ski that day, but we look forward to skiing with them again sometime and have made a nice connection with another unschooling family.

I put together a slideshow of some of the pics from our trip. Maybe it will inspire you to want to go skiing at Whistler. If you do, let us know. Maybe we'll meet you there! We all definitely want to return!! (It's an easy day of travel for us here in Washington.)

Happy Birthday, Emily!!

Today Emily turns 9 years old! Happy Birthday, Emily!

Emily was born at home in Clovis, CA during the morning of December 13, 2002.

Her birth was pretty quick and very sweet, without complications. She was born into the arms of me (her mom), her dad, the midwives and her brothers and grandparents. It was a very exciting day for all of us! What a blessing to welcome another beautiful being into the world!

Even though she was born in California, we have lived in Port Townsend, WA her entire life (we moved here when she was 2 months old). Many things have changed for our family over these past 9 years and we are all adjusting to a way of living that includes two separate households.

At 9, Emily is a beautiful, creative, fun-loving, active young girl. She is an amazingly creative person who enjoys all types of artistic endeavors, including painting, drawing, making things, sewing, singing and playing the violin. She enjoys nature classes and loved playing soccer this past fall. She is healthy and happy, and we all love her very much.

Here are some pictures from her birthday party that she had this past weekend with friends, most of whom live here at Rosewind Cohousing and some pictures of our awesome dinner that we all helped prepare tonight - deviled eggs, Chinese orange chicken, broccoli, rice - and for dessert Eli made cream puffs with chocolate ganache. They were divine!

Applesauce Business - AppleBlade

This morning Emily, Sophia, and their friends Tiger and Violet have been working on an applesauce business - something that emerged about an hour ago.

First they harvested the apples from a community apple tree here at Rosewind Cohousing - the community where we live. They came back with a HUGE amount of apples and proceeded to cut them up and put them in pots to cook.



They got their Rollerblades on and began taking orders. They wrote orders on the calendar, discussing who had called and when they will have to deliver the goods. Emily said she'd check the phone messages and Violet would check emails.



They were cleaning up some of the apples from the floor and I decided to help, so they said that I could be the boss. "But she doesn't have Rollerblades on?," says Violet. Emily says, "That's okay. Bosses don't really work much. They just pay the bills."

This whole game is very entertaining for me, as I sit at the computer actually paying bills and working on various projects. They are taking it very seriously. That is, they aren't just playing a game; they are really an applesauce company/restaurant. They are discussing taste-testing their product, taking and fulfilling orders, paying bills, recipes ("should we add cream?") and discussing whether they should just do deliveries or have people make reservations to come for tastings, etc.



Now they are pretending to take calls and special orders. They are taking reservations, returning calls to check on orders, and discussing what to do since there are only 2 aprons and 4 girls.




From what I can tell, they have a pretty good understanding of what goes on in a business. And if someone suggests something that doesn't make sense in the "game", they discuss and decide what to do. Oh, now they are catering children's birthday parties, too! Their business is expanding already!




What a fun way to spend the morning!

Immerse Yourself

What I have noticed about our children is that when they find something they are interested in, they like to immerse themselves in it. Do you do that? I do. Maybe we all do, when we get the chance.

When I was learning how to do website design, I spent hours learning HTML code. My mom often questioned why I was spending so much time on something that wasn't bringing in money. (I was about 35 at the time and worked at home on my computer doing medical transcribing). Funny thing is that later I landed two great-paying jobs because of my computer/web skills, though that hadn't been my reason for spending so many hours learning about website design. I was learning because I liked it, because that is what I chose to do at the time. Time flew by as I learned how to change colors and fonts, add images, make tables, and fool around with various designs.

Lately our children have been immersing themselves in video games (Halo and Minecraft), movies/TV shows (X-Men and Rugrats), soccer (Dante played on 3 different teams this season!), parkour skills (Eli and Avery) and rollerblading (Emily and Sophia). Of course, they still partake of their regularly scheduled events, like violin and guitar lessons, horseback riding, and nature classes, but during the day, when they have nothing else scheduled, they spend hours immersing themselves in these activities.

And what I love about our unschooling life, is that they can.

There is no bell ringing every 50 minutes to move to the next subject or the next building, a new teacher, or whatever. They have no artificially imposed interruptions to their own rhythms. I love that they have the time to immerse themselves and get in the flow that comes from being so engaged in learning/doing something so meaningful (to them).

I also love that they can do it just because they want to, and not with the intention of later having to do something with it - pass a test, get a job, build a career...

Sometimes people worry about children (and adults) being addicted to TV or video games or obsessed with horses or Barbie dolls (or whatever - you fill in the blank), but I see that our children immerse themselves into a variety of activities, and when they have their fill, they move on. Sometimes they move on after a short immersion experience (a day or two), and sometimes their interests become passions, and they continue for years.

When Eli (now 13) was 6 and Avery (now 11) was 4 they were totally into BMX racing. We drove 1 hour (each-way) to Port Angeles two or three times per week so they could practice and race. We traveled throughout Washington, Colorado, New Mexcio and California to race. They amassed a HUGE amount of trophies and Eli won the Washington State Championship race when he was 10. He was ranked 3rd overall in the state for that year. Avery won many BIG races and was 7th in the state for his age (8 at the time) that same year. After about 4 years of pretty intense BMX racing seasons, and after having both become Experts (winning over 35 races to pass through beginner and intermediate designations. Eli wants me to tell you that he won way more than 35 races.), they decided to move on to other interests (mountain biking, skiing, soccer). They loved BMX racing while they did it, and then they were ready to try something new.

I love immersing myself in my own interests (right now it is Words with Friends on Facebook pretty much every night until midnight!) and I most certainly love being witness to the variety of experiences the children decide to pursue, whether it is for a few hours, a few days, a few years or their lifetime!

Here is a very short video of Emily and some friends rollerblading around the kitchen/living room. They have been doing this daily for hours. Emily is in the middle. Eli is at the computer. He's their DJ.



Here is a slideshow that shows the kids involved in various activities that were really important to them during the past couple of years. They are older now: Eli (13), Avery (11), Sophia (10), Dante (9) and Emily (8). Some of these things they still do, and others are just sweet memories. Activities include: cake decorating, Lego animation, building with Lego blocks, soccer, skiing, BMX racing, trampoline, dressing up, swords, playing at the beach, and welding.



ADDED BONUS: While Eli and I were making this slideshow, we discovered a new musician Chris Joss, whose song "I Want Freedom" plays during the slideshow. Great beats on his site - check him out!